self-reflection

Hey kind krafters!

On October 13th I flew to Ontario with Xara Choral Theatre to tour the show Fatty Legs. I have mentioned the show in a previous blogpost and will talk about the tour in greater detail at a later date but if you want to do individual research please look at this link http://www.xara.ca/fatty-legs-ed-guide.  I have only been away for less than a week but I am already learning so much about the show, our history in Canada, and myself as a musician, ally, friend, and member of society. This group is full of badass people with so much knowledge, respect, and resilience and after listening to them over the last few days, I have been able to do some major reflecting.
 
The Importance of Asking Questions

• During all of my schooling, I’ve been afraid to ask questions. I’m sure that there are a number of contributing factors for why I didn’t want to ask questions, but I think there were a main two reasons:
  1. I didn’t want to ask something that could be considered as “dumb” or “stupid”
  2. I didn’t want my classmates to know that I didn’t understand something

I still am aware that I don’t always ask for help when I know I need it because I feel ashamed of myself for not already knowing the answer, and worry that I might be shamed by others for asking. What I have realized from being with this group of people, is that really I am only doing a disservice to myself by not asking. Many educators encourage questions because what better way to learn? By not asking the questions or seeking help and guidance when you need it, you are stunting your own growth.
 
The Importance of Dialogue

• This group is amazing at having a dialogue and being honest with each other. I admire how eloquent everyone is (even when they think they’re not) and their unique ideas and perspectives that they add to discussions. I have learnt that I usually listen during discussions and feel unsure of what to add because I don’t want my comments to not meet the expectation. From these conversations being so safe, I have realized that to be a part of the discussion, I can choose to contribute or not. It’s up to me to hold the space in the circle, or take up space that is offered to me. I’ve also learnt that you can take up too much space, and that within a dialogue, you still need to be aware of yourself and do self-reflection. I also have admitted that sometimes I feel the pressure to talk when the offer is presented, and from that I need to know that it’s okay to not have something to say.

 
The Importance of Self Reflection

• I always think that I take time to do self-reflection, but I don’t actually think that I do it deeply enough. Every day I give myself some time to think about what has happened and how some of it has made me feel, but I definitely don’t ask myself enough questions and dig deeper into the “what next” part. On this tour I am constantly thinking “what next?” and about how I continue to learn and work towards my goals. I have also been questioned on what certain things mean to me within the show, such as “what does this move mean to you?” and “why are you singing this line while this particular piece of the narration is happening?”. I have been able to do a deep dive in many aspects of this show and can’t wait to apply this thinking and preparation to my own music making.

I know that this has not been my typical blogpost this week so thank you for reading!

Lots of love,
Rhi xoxo